Up until very recently, my chest was pretty much non-existent. My sister – who is three years younger than me – would often flaunt her ample assets whilst I wondered when mine were going to sprout. Over the last couple of years they’ve finally come in (I think it’s because I eat a lot more than I did when I was younger) and as I’m now working out regularly, my pec muscles are making them look even better. They’re still pretty small though (especially compared to my friends) but do you know what? I’m okay with that and I am happy with my body and the way I look.
So with that in mind I thought I would do a fun post today – Ten things you will probably relate to if you have tiny titties.
Before you guys get stuck in I feel like I have to say a bit of a disclaimer: I understand that some women have issues relating to their chest that run rather deep and it really affects their self confidence. This is just a silly, light hearted post intended to make you giggle.
1.0 Every now and again you will see someone on social media or on an advert wearing the most gorgeous top or dress that you fall head over heels for (usually a wrap or plungey kinda dress/top). These will be modelled on a VS style girl who has long flowing locks, great brow game, a flat tummy and yep, a very generous chest. Deep down you know that the tits are carrying the outfit but you persevere and look for it anyway. Sadly your worst fears are confirmed and said dress looks like a potato sack on a ten year old girl. Smart.
2.0 Because of your lack of chest, you often find yourself wearing a bra with a little ~ ahem ~ extra help. Especially if you are wearing something where the gals are the main attraction. Your friends – be them men or women – will keep staring at your chest and the more vocal/drunker of the lot will probably ask you rather loudly ‘where the bloody hell they came from?!’. Which then leads to you having to explain that they are in fact, artificial. Thanks for pointing that out to the entire group pal.
3.0 And when you decide not to wear a bra for whatever reason – for example the outfit looks better without one, you are hungover, it’s too hot OR you just cba with one – there’s a chance you might be asked ‘where the bloody hell have your tits gone?’. And again, you will either a) punch them in the face and tell them to fuck off, b) go bright red, ignore them and hope it was rhetorical and that they don’t really want an answer or c) mutter under your breath that that’s all you baby and unfortunately that’s all the good lord gave you.
4.0 If you have small-ish boobs then chances are you’ve looked into plastic surgery. Not necessarily a serious look, just a ‘Ooh I’m kinda curious look’. Then you see just how much it costs, that some types of boob jobs need redoing every ten years and how long the recovery takes and you realise that actually, you’re okay with what you got and would rather buy a car or put a deposit down on a house.
5.0 When you roll on your back in bed and even you question where your boobs have gone…So that’s why they are called fried eggs.
6.0 When you have tiny titties certain bras are wasted on you (seriously balconette and plunge? What’s the point!) but bralets, bandeaus and sporty crop tops (hello name of my first YA novel) are THE ONE and thankfully they are all the rage right now (Primark have some fav ones FYI). Just for the record, I’m not saying those kind of bras look bad on lasses with bigger boobs, they actually look banging. I’m just saying that for us ladies with less development, they are a super cute god send as we don’t need a great deal of support if you know what I’m sayin’.
7.0 A positive to having mosquito bites for breasts? When you go to the gym you don’t have to worry about forgetting your sports bra (although you should wear one as they provide the correct support for when they, you know, bounce – bouncing can cause sagging apparently?!) or making sure they don’t escape/take someone’s eyes out as they stay pretty snug in your training t shirt and every day bra anyways. I imagine big boobs can be quite annoying whilst exercising – If anyone wants to confirm or deny that in the comments, please feel free!
8.0 So you’ve bought a playsuit or a dress for an occasion – probably from Boohoo or Missguided as they seem to be blighters for awkwardly fitting items of clothing – and when it arrives it becomes apparent that it’s a no bra dress. Well when you have bee stings that isn’t an issue!! You can slap on some nipple covers or a stick on bra (or nothing at all if you are braver than I) and away you go! Problem solved.
9.0 Have you seen how expensive bras are for the bigger busted lady? Thank your lucky stars you have an affordable, non bank account breaking chest.
10 There’s a moment when you realise that the only person who cares about the size of your chest is you. Noone else really cares and/or notices. And if someone does mention the size of them out of malice? Cut them out of your life or punch them in the face. Your shout.